என்னுள் ஒரு போராட்டம்

உன்னை காணும் தருணம் நான் அறிந்தேன்
காணா ஒவ்வொரு நிமிடத்தின் பரிதவிப்பும்
கண்ட கனம் என் மனதில் பூக்கும் புன்சிரிப்பும்
நீ அறிந்து கொள்வாயோ என்ற நடுக்கம்
அறியவே  மாட்டாயோ என்னும் கலக்கம்

ஏன் இந்த தயக்கம் உன் மேல் இப்படி ஒரு மயக்கம்!

Ariya Madandhai

கடிவாளம் அற்ற மனமே
நீ கரை தாண்டி புரள்வது  ஏனோ
மனம் மாற நினைக்கையில்
நீ மதில் தாண்டி குதிப்பது தானோ
கனம் தாங்காமல் தவிக்கையில்
நீ ரணம் ஆக்கி பறப்பதும் ஏனோ
வழிதனை சகிக்கையில்
இது தான் காதல் என்று உணர்ந்தது தானோ!

Love - It Just Happens

Pulling her head off the inbox, flooded with emails, Neha looks at her watch. Oops! It is 7.20 already and the last shuttle is at 7.30.  Gathering all her belongings, she runs to the parking lot, finds a window seat and sits comfortably with her earphones on. In the next 5 minutes, the shuttle was almost full, when Neha hears her phone ring, displaying Sid's name. Sid! Where the hell have you been for so long? No phone calls, no messages. There was no darn clue of your existence. How have you been? You have no idea how much I missed you, my friend!

As Neha goes on and on over the phone, she hears a voice from nearby. Excuse me! Do you mind if I sit here? With just a nod, Neha doesn't care to look up and put a face to the voice. Little did she know that it was going to be a long wait before she heard him speak, again. After the hour-long conversation with Sid, she dozes off to sleep with the music on, waking up to a note lying next to her.

"Today was my last day at work, I am off to the U.S in the next couple of hours. I have no idea there exists a hideout in this campus that kept you far away from my eyes. I thought, I could start a small talk once you drop off the call, which never happened. I did not have the heart to wake you up either. When we cross paths the next time (I am sure we will), I will ensure that we never part. I promise."  

All of Neha's efforts to picture his face, goes in vain. She has, just the voice, which she sure wants to be able to recognize the next time. Did she meet or part???

Un Vizhi Vazhi

உன் விழி வழி காணும் தருணம் 

உலகின் வண்ணம் உணர்ந்தேன் 

என் விழி வழியோ அனைத்தும் தொலைத்தேன்

இது என்ன மாயமா இல்லை மயக்கமா 

என்று நான் எண்ணி தவிக்க 

கை தானாக கண்ணாடியில் மாசு துடைக்க ;)

What do I want to do - Nothing else matters

It has been many months since I blogged. What is better than to restart with something that is close to your heart? Here, goes..

Ever wondered what it meant when our parents said "You can do better! You aren't giving your best!"

I belong to the majority that never cared enough about these statements. Call it age, maturity, varied interests or wateva, end of the day, nothing matters.

I remember the many days when I have wondered why my dad says I am not giving my best, when I have always been among the cream in everything I did (if I did.) It was never a comparable statement from him. Here I was, thinking, I anyways know how this works and have figured things out pretty fast, so whats the fun in trying to excel in it. I try it, I am able to do it, I lose interest and quit to try something else. End of it, today, I know about all of these, and that is where it starts and ends.

Is this what I want to have today?

For the most part of it, we are driven by the society and go with the flow. Oh yeah! This kid does this! That just awesome! He/She does something else too! Woow! Great! Are you also a topper? Good Lord! You have everything in life!

Today, I want to rekindle my enthusiasm to do all that I started and take them to a stage where I feel good about having gained some reasonable knowledge. To all those who wanna do what they wanna in life, plunge in, fearless! Its always better late than never!

Uranga Kanavu!!!

கண் மூடி இருந்தேன், கனவில் நீ வந்தாய் 

கண் திறந்து பார்த்தேன், நினைவில் தள்ளி நின்றாய் 

கை சேர நினைத்தேன், தொலைவில் சென்று சிரித்தாய்

வாய் திறந்து அழைத்தேன், அருகில் வர மறுத்தாய்

இன்று நீ வேண்டும் தருணம், ஏன் நான் இல்லை என்று திகைத்தாய்???

Paatti Vaadhiyam :)

Its been a decade since I quit singing. I can hardly get anything straight/right anymore is what I thought. And then, one fine day, bam! 

I was, at a desi party, when I was asked to sing. Not cos I was any expert, but cos I recognize most of the songs played anywhere. After many NOs, I decided its better I show them what I was capable of and they will never ask me to sing again. There were professional singers, keyboard and tabla players around. To minimize any embarrassment, I kept them informed that I may not get the shruthi/taal right. The keyboard player ( in his 60's) told me, "I can catch up with you as you sing. Don't worry. You are going to be fine." I sang 'Vaseegara' from Minnale at a fairly high range and tempo cos I found it easy to morph my randomness that way. Luckily, it all started and ended well. The uncle with the keyboard called me near him and said "Only when you sing, you know u can; I think you should start training again." I said "Will definitely try. But now I know I will not say a NO next time."

The very moment, I finished singing, all I wanted to do was call my Paatti and tell her that I could sing again. After all, it was and is still something she wishes could happen someday. I rushed home, picked the phone and called the first ever guru of mine, my 90 yr old Paatti. "Paatti! Naan paadinen. Vaseegara iruku illa, andha Madhavan padam, Bombay Jayshree paatu, adhu dhan." That very statement evoked the singer in her and she started giving me a piece of her mind which ended with her evergreen saying "Paada Paada Raagam; Paduka Paduka Rogam." The happiness in her voice knew no bounds and she said "India varache, en kuda rendu naal thangi irundhu oru naalu paatu paaditu podi."

If at all, there is some music in me, its all cos of her. My first guru who taught me to sing "Sa Pa Sa"; who let me touch her precious harmonia petti everytime she wanted me to practice (but for a bribe, I neva did anything even then ;)); one who still thinks there is a chance. I am sure everyone of us has similar cherished childhood memories which have a significant impact on what we are today. The analyst in me wants to say "Current is definitely a function of Past." 

Everybody talks about "Paatti Vaidhyam" all the time. I thought, I should take this opportunity to thank my paatti for the "Paatti Vaadhiyam", if I can call it that.